The warm air that smelled like smoke and beer welcomed them. „I’m just saying,“ the girl with the dreads said, „never eat tacos and cotton candy at the same time.“ Two of the other girls laughed while the third one looked at her with a raised eyebrow. „What makes you think that I would want to try that?“ „I don’t know, Ruby. I wanted to, so…,“ she grinned, and Ruby lowered her eyebrow again, only to replace her questioning face expression with an eye roll. „Gosh, Jenna, you’re such a weirdo.“

 „Thank you, back at ya.“

They sat down at a table close to the empty stage, and Ruby scanned the dimly lit room. A few old guys were sitting at the counter, a young couple all the way in the back, and a group of friends a few tables over. „Pretty quiet for a Friday night,“ she mumbled, and her blonde friend, Allie, snorted. „Everybody’s probably home with their boyfriend.“ Ruby quickly exchanged a look with Jenna and Gwen. This night was supposed to distract Allie from the fact that her boyfriend had broken up with her because of another girl, but so far she had managed to bring him up in every conversation without actually wanting to talk about him. The problem was, Ruby and the others couldn’t really tell how Allie was feeling. Was she sad? Or mostly angry? Had she gotten to the ‚I wanna cry my eyes out‘-part yet, or was she still focused on bashing him? They tried asking her, but Allie said she didn’t quite know herself.

„Well, not everyone. We’re here, right? And we’re gonna have an awesome night,“ Gwen declared and got back up again: „Who wants a beer?“

 They all raised their hands, but before Gwen could head over to the bar, Jenna whispered to her: „We could probably use some shots as well,“ while Allie took out her phone and opened Instagram.

 „Hey!“ Ruby exclaimed, „we said no phones.“ „Yeah, well, I changed my mind,“ Allie barked. It took her a second to realize what she had sounded like. „Sorry,“ she said and brushed her bangs out of her face. „I didn’t mean to… I just… You know?“ she stuttered, and Jenna gently touched her hand. „We know.“

„Listen, you said you don’t know how you feel about this – eh- whole thing,“ Ruby didn’t know if she could use the word „breakup“ without making Annie cry, „but what if tonight you decide to, well, simply be pissed?“ Her friends looked at her confused, so she continued: „You see, you’re hurt, naturally, and therefore tonight’s probably not gonna be fun for you- no matter how much you drink, or how much we dance or whatever. But it could still make you feel better if you just lean into it. If you want to vent, vent, if you want us to join you, we will happily do that. Just tell us. However, if you want, we can also ignore the topic altogether. I can tell you guys about my new boss, who probably can’t spell his own name, and Jenna can tell us about her new drama class- I don’t care. But you need to decide, what tonight is gonna be about. Except for wallowing, that is official of the table.“ Gwen returned with their drinks. They had given her a tray, so she could carry four beers and no less than twelve shots at once. Jenna patted Gwen on her shoulder: „You get me, girl, you just get me.“ When Allie saw the drinks, a slight grin appeared on her lips. „I think I want to vent. And then, I want to forget.“

„Ok ladies,“ Gwen picked up a shot, and the others followed her example, „let’s do this.“

 Before they could drink the shots, however, Allie stopped them. „I want to do this right,“ she said and cleared her throat: „Thank you for doing this, girls. Tonight, we will drink until I don’t even remember this jerk’s name. But for now- here’s to my ex!“

Three hours later, Ruby’s theory was disproven. As it turned out, Allie was most definitely capable of enjoying herself and alcohol played a huge role in that. By now, they were entertaining the whole bar that had filled up a little more. „Gwen, remember that boy you used to date?“ Allie exclaimed at one point, but before Gwen could answer, Ruby and Jenna grunted simultaneously: „That one boy?“ 

„Shut up,“ Gwen shrieked before laughing so hard that she spilled some of her beer. „Watch out, your beer!“ Jenna called out and sounded almost as worried as if Gwen had just dropped a newborn. 

„The one that looked like a mouse!“ Allie chimed back in, and now Ruby’s face lit up.

 „Oh my god, yes, I remember him! What happened to him? He was so cute. Not really your type though, Gwenny. I miss him.“ While Ruby got lost in her drunken thoughts about Mouse guy, Gwen asked Allie: „What about him?“

 „Nothing, I just wanted to know if you remember him. I do.“

 „Get out of here, you do?“ Jenna blared out and the four girls’ laughter filled the room. 

 „Listen, Mouse dude may have been a little weird, but he’s nothing compared to the law student you dated last summer,“ said Gwen and looked at Jenna, „I still have no clue how you even met that guy. You had absolutely nothing in common. And he was so stiff, remember how he showed up to that one party wearing a tux? Who does that?“ She threw her arms up in confusion.

 „Guys,“ Ruby suddenly got really quiet.

„What?“

„I have an idea. I’ll be right back.“ She got up and reeled towards the counter.

 „What’s she doing?“

„Maybe she figured out that there’s got to be a bathroom somewhere?“ Jenna suggested and her friends giggled. Only two minutes later, Ruby returned with a sly smile on her face. She was hiding something behind her back. Before they could ask her what she was up to, Ruby raised her hand, in which she was holding a microphone, and started singing: „This is a shout out to my ex, heard he in love with some other chick, yeah yeah, that hurt me, I’ll admit, forget that boy, I’m over it.“ The karaoke version of the song blared from the boxes, as she handed Allie the mic in her other hand and continued to sing: „I hope she gettin‘ better sex. Hope she ain’t fakin‘ it like I did, babe, took four long years to call it quits, forget that boy, I’m over it.“ Jenna, who reacted quite fast for the drunken state she was in, jumped up and took the mic from Ruby. „Guess I should say thank you, for the hate yous and the tattoos, oh baby, I’m cool by the way, ain’t sure I loved you anyway. Go ‚head, babe, I’mma live my life, my life, yeah!“ For the chorus, Allie and Gwen joined in, practically screaming the words, which made the mics unnecessary. The people around them solely watched them at first, but soon enough others joined them. The couple that Ruby had noticed when they first got in, however, got up and left. When the song ended, Allie pulled her friends into a group hug. „I love you, guys. Let’s get another round, so I can finally toast to the ones that really deserve it.“

This is a revolution.

– Unsecret

We were one.

At that moment, all our differences, and stupid fights, and falling outs didn’t matter. This was bigger than us. If we wanted to stand a chance against them, we had to unite.
We walked in sync, our chests raised and lowered at the same time, our minds intertwined. You’d think we’d be loud. Speaking our truth, demanding change, cheering each other on. But today, the silence was our friend. The silence was fighting our fight.

Hands over our mouths, legs moving slow but steady, eyes peering straight ahead. We didn’t know what would happen when they found out. This could be the end of it all or the beginning of something else.

The darkness weighed on us like a heavy blanket, trying to suppress us, trying to weaken us, but soon enough, there were sparks of fire all around us. They were in us, fighting their way back, and they lit up the world. The cold grey buildings around us were suddenly tinted in color as if it had always been there but had been hidden under a thick opaque layer of dust. Tree leaves turned red and orange; the river next to us was a deep dirty blue; our clothes made us look like a walking rainbow.
All these years, they had silenced us. They had taken our freedom. They had taken our spirit. They had taken our choice.

Tonight, we reclaimed it all. Words didn’t leave our mouths, we stayed silent as they had always wanted. But still, they could hear us coming, our boots marching, and our breaths joining. They could feel us coming, our eyes piercing, and our minds reaching out for them. And finally, they could see us. We were rolling in, like a powerful wave breaking, hitting the water in front of it, drowning those who didn’t know how to ride it.
Tension filled the air like grizzling static when they stepped out of their houses. They stared but nothing more. Nobody said a word. The spell they had put on us had reached them, too. For the first time in forever, they were silent, scared, no, petrified of what was coming next.

We were rising up, and they knew it. They had gone too far, way past our breaking point, they had thrown us in the dirt, clipped our wings, taken our colors, tormented our bodies, tortured our minds. They had brought this upon themselves.
We could feel the spell spreading, and we kept walking until it had reached every last one of them. Until they all knew what it felt like to have taken your own voice away from you. But we were not them. We didn’t want them to be quiet, we simply wanted them to hear us, and since they had taken our words, we had to tell them with silence. They were holding their breaths, and their eyes were filled with horror and fear. They knew now.

Somewhere, a violin cut through the air. That was our sign. It was time to break the spell. All at once, our voices filled the air. We screamed at the top of the lungs, brushing the dust from our vocal cords, letting the air leave our lungs in some kind of inharmonic melody, reclaiming our silenced voice.

We screamed, and at that moment, we were one.

You promised the world and I fell for it.

-Selena Gomez

He looked at me, his eyes dark and tired of having the same old conversation over and over again. We both knew. This, whatever this was, whatever was left of it, it was over. But we couldn’t get each other to say it. The silence roared in my ears, and I wished there was a way to drown it out, but there wasn’t. So I let it drill into my head, let the pain sink in, let it mold its way through my body.
“You want to get some food?“ he said after a while and for a second, my world turned. It crashed and crumbled, burned and froze. The silent scream in my head burst into a choir of all the hurt I had carried with me these past few months. But then I regained focus and suddenly I was back here, on the couch, next to him.
„Yes,“ I answered automatically. I always said yes, and he knew it. Maybe that’s where this mess started. Maybe it’s just part of it.
When we stepped outside, I teared up a little and I wondered if he noticed. If he did, he didn’t say anything. He probably didn’t make much of it, so I shouldn’t either. ‘It’s just because it’s so cold,‘ I told myself and blinked to make the tears go away. It took a little longer than usual.

The lights were way too bright. The McDonald’s sign was humming and crackling, and its yellow color seemed to be mocking me. The parking lot was empty, not unusual for this time of day – night, I mean. My eyes flickered over to the lamp post that I had bumped into seven months ago. He had been there that day like a knight in shining armor. Instead of laughing at me, he had wanted to know if I was hurt. He had taken me to the emergency room „just to be safe,“ even though we had been complete strangers back then.

When did he stop? When did he stop caring if I was hurt?

“McDonald’s,“ the words left my mouth without me realizing what I was doing.
„Yes, this is McDonald’s,“ he said looking at me with raised eyebrows.
„Why McDonald’s?“ my voice sounded demanding, but I didn’t know why I was saying these things.
„We always go to McDonald’s.“
„We haven’t been here in over a month,“ my mouth said and suddenly my brain caught up with it, „why now?“
„I don’t know. I guess I just felt like it.“

Suddenly, something in me cracked. The emotions I had buried under a thick layer of pain and denial started to find their way back into my veins, and they spread through me like fire. The words started to boil under my skin, and instead of looking away like I always did, I looked him straight in the eyes.

Then, I erupted.

“I know I love you, and I know you love me, too.“ My own voice stung my ears, but I didn’t mind. It was time. It was about damn time.

I felt a tear on my cheek. With it, memories started rushing into my head, memories of him leaving, of him yelling, of him laughing, of him breaking, of him healing. And of me smiling, of me faking, of me hurting, of me fighting. Of me, giving in. „I know I love you, and I know you love me, too,“ I repeated, „But I can’t be the one you keep running back to when everything else gets too hard. I can’t take that anymore. It hurts, it hurts so much. In my throat and in my chest, in my stomach and in my head. It’s everywhere.“ I could feel it right now, blending in with the fever. I also felt the need to stop talking, to go back to our couch, back to pretending. Instead, I told him what had been going through my mind for way too long: „And still, I want it. I want it to hurt because that means that you are here. With me. But that’s not right. That’s not how this is supposed to be.“ The heat in me stopped burning, but I could still feel it. „I’m supposed to be strong and independent and breathtaking. I-,“ I hesitated, but something in me pushed me further, „I want to walk down the street with my head held high feeling like a supermodel walking down the runway. But I’m none of those things, and I never feel like that. And I used to think that it’s because I’m not good enough or special enough or… simply that I was not enough… for anything. I don’t think that anymore.“ I knew. I finally knew. For the first time in forever, the silence didn’t sting. It just… was. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look at him.

„I think it’s you.“

Looking back, I think saying it out loud was the moment that broke me. All the cracks he had put in my skin over these past few months- there were too many now. Everything fell apart.

„Without knowing or realizing it, you dimmed my light, you put me in the shadows. I don’t blame you. I would never… I could never blame you. You didn’t know. I didn’t know. We’re just not good for each other. Where other people fall in love, we get hurt more than I ever thought was possible. I love you. I do. This is the hardest and most heartbreaking thing that I ever had to do. But-,“ I opened my eyes again, finding his.
„This is over. We’re done.“

I didn’t ask if the tears in his eyes were there because of the cold air. I already knew.